Today i will be tested again, mntally. With horrible stomach ache, i have to climb 300 steps and a sloping region with a heavy backpack and a heavier suitcase, alone. All the best to me.

Dear D'

He said, "I am afraid that I would be sad if I go there."
Luckyhim, I thought, for I am afraid of happiness. Should I call myself brave that I don't fear being sad or a coward who does not dare to be happy?

Today i figured out what my problem was. I was putting too much blame on my brains by calling myself stupid all the time, that i am not intelligent enough like other. But the real reason why i am "stupid"is that i don't think or more importantly i can't concentrate. Its a a pure lack of concentration. I know this because, when i actually think properly, i get things very easily, atleast faster than what i expect from myself given that i have accepted the fact that i aam a slow thinker. Thing is i am slow not because i am dull, its coz i get distracted very very easily.
This actually made me feel better, because now i know that i am smart and that the "stupidity"comes from my laziness and lack of concentration.
i guess i am the one stopping myself from being better. things have to change now.

Dear D'

So i decided to lie to everyone who asks how i am. if i lie repeatedly, may be ill start believing myself that i am happy, that i am fine. 

How do I talk?