Was reading old posts. They make me happy , i feel protected. Is it strange? Being protected by memories? and images, and familiar stories. What i was before make me believe that i will be fine tomorrow.
Time is flying. it always did. so many times i wished that it passed faster. but now, i just try to to catch moments and hold on to them. but those happy hours just slip through my fingers. and i find myself walking alone. Here the roads are truely empty. Unlike Kolkata, where you just cant be on your own. Here its just emptiness. and silence. and closed shops with expensive clothes on display. How do people live here? I am in this neighbourhood for 2 and a half months but i have never seen the person who lives next door. the dog barks sometimes. what do they do all the time inside? dont they get tired of each other?
No actually, too many people tire you. But emptiness just makes you think, write blogs, remember.
The movie, Life(Part-2) began. i couldnt wait for it to release. counted months, weeks, days and hours. dreamt and planned. i never stopped to think that i will never be back. all that was so absolutely around me would just be gone. the people, the traffic, the food, the noises. they will be gone forever. the feeling of belonging to that place is gone because now you know that you cant stay.
i planned how i am going to deal with situations here, how i will talk to people, how i will deal with homesickness, etc. and i am doing fine. but i never rehearsed the feeling how i wont be in kolkata anymore.
My greatest fear while growing up was that i would permanently be in that environment with a mediocre life and unfulfilled dreams. Now here i am in a first world country, studying the subject i want to, getting scholarship. its already not mediocre. and i dont want to ruin it by looking back. from my childhood i disliked many things of my life over which i had no control. i had no choice but accept it as a part of life. this is the beginning of a second life. all over again and this time i get to decide how things will be. maybe ill have a new set of dislikings. but this wonderful feeling of independence and having control on your life and getting to make your own decisions is overwhelming. as if someone has given me colours and a blank sheet of paper. with the brush in my hand, i can draw whatever picture i want.
Time is flying. it always did. so many times i wished that it passed faster. but now, i just try to to catch moments and hold on to them. but those happy hours just slip through my fingers. and i find myself walking alone. Here the roads are truely empty. Unlike Kolkata, where you just cant be on your own. Here its just emptiness. and silence. and closed shops with expensive clothes on display. How do people live here? I am in this neighbourhood for 2 and a half months but i have never seen the person who lives next door. the dog barks sometimes. what do they do all the time inside? dont they get tired of each other?
No actually, too many people tire you. But emptiness just makes you think, write blogs, remember.
The movie, Life(Part-2) began. i couldnt wait for it to release. counted months, weeks, days and hours. dreamt and planned. i never stopped to think that i will never be back. all that was so absolutely around me would just be gone. the people, the traffic, the food, the noises. they will be gone forever. the feeling of belonging to that place is gone because now you know that you cant stay.
i planned how i am going to deal with situations here, how i will talk to people, how i will deal with homesickness, etc. and i am doing fine. but i never rehearsed the feeling how i wont be in kolkata anymore.
My greatest fear while growing up was that i would permanently be in that environment with a mediocre life and unfulfilled dreams. Now here i am in a first world country, studying the subject i want to, getting scholarship. its already not mediocre. and i dont want to ruin it by looking back. from my childhood i disliked many things of my life over which i had no control. i had no choice but accept it as a part of life. this is the beginning of a second life. all over again and this time i get to decide how things will be. maybe ill have a new set of dislikings. but this wonderful feeling of independence and having control on your life and getting to make your own decisions is overwhelming. as if someone has given me colours and a blank sheet of paper. with the brush in my hand, i can draw whatever picture i want.
3 comments:
i thought this blog need be translated from French to English. i shall blog the reply. -- boodhooram
finally brimbi is getting the taste of independence... nothing is better than that.
we may agree to disagree that independence is better than dependence but to be effective in life next step try interdependence after achieving independence to some degree.
গুরু গোঁসাই রা বলেছেন।
Post a Comment